Why didn't you just punch me?
by luna.thau
Summary: "why?" That's a question often repeated in my head for what felt like forever but it could've only been like 3 minutes. I still can't move, the pain in my right leg is too strong. „I lost again... why?" I looked up and what I saw would be burned into my memory forever. There he stood like always, looking down on me with that broad grin in place. He looks so satisfied...


„why?"

That's a question often repeated in my head for what felt like forever but it could've only been like 3 minutes. I still can't move, the pain in my right leg is too strong. „I lost again... why?"

I looked up and what I saw would be burned into my memory forever. There he stood like always, looking down on me that broad grin on his face. He looks so satisfied with himself, it's disgusting. I want to stand up and wipe that stupid smirk of his face. Why is he doing this to me? Isn't him winning enough satisfaction? Does he have to humiliate me even more?

I struggled standing up, failed the first two attempts by falling on my face but I am not going to back down in front of my teammates and my old senpai. I hold onto the net like my life depended on it. I was shaking like crazy from the anger, sadness and of course my body was giving into the pain building up in my right leg.

„Those last jumps where obviously to much, you should have listened to your teammates and coach and should have gotten out of their way already, without you they might had won. But no you're still the same selfish king. Haven't you learnt a thing?"

No reason to hide it, that fucking hurt and I could tell that he knew that he hit a sore spot inside of me by the look on his face. Oikawa bend down, face pressed against the net, smirk still in place like always. I wanted to spit in his face just like that, I'd probably do that if there weren't so many people watching, instead I just made a face.

„Can't even answer my question tobio-chan? What a shame. Am I really right? You still don't have a team that stands behind you?"

Why does he always know what to say to break something inside of me. That stupid asshole knows exactly that something like this goes too fucking far. How dare he say that.

I know this isn't true but still, I can't go over the fact that the way I acted today was way to close to the way I was before I joined karasuno. I turned around to look at my teammates and this was another image I wanted to burn out of my memories forever.

Daichi looked so disappointed and when our eyes locked for even that short amount of time I could feel it deep inside me, he was disappointed in ...me. Next to him stood

suga-san, he laid a hand on daichi's shoulder, obviously trying to calm him down. Hinata was on his knees hiding his tears and doing a terrible job at this, even asahi is trying to hide the sadness building up inside of him. Goddammit was I really responsible for this? I turned back around not able to stand this sign any longer. Still this view wasn't really better, starring into these deep brown eyes of my former sensei made it just worse.

„Better take a good look at that because those looks are all you'll get for the rest of your life. You haven't changed and never will Tobio-chan. You may be a genius but that doesn't help you out off your loneliness-"

„shut up"

It was quiet, faint but it was still enough for him to stop his sentence. My bangs where hiding my face and I refused to look up again.

„Pardon?"

His voice was mocking, how could anyone be such a sadistic piece of shit.

„I said... shut your mouth"

I said it louder than before but it's still hardly recognizable. I was trembling again, my anger was probably felt by everyone in this room by now. Every other person would probably stop, knowing that it's enough but of course oikawa doesn't. He is enjoying every bit of this, he was probably waiting for the day we where on different teams so he could crush me with all his might and then pour acid over my already hurting body.

I ducked so I could go under the net to the other side. I was now standing directly in front of oikawa head still hung low, I didn't dare to look up. Because I knew that if I would do that I would probably punch that asshole all the way to America.

"What do you plan on doing now?"

I don't actually know to be honest. What do I try to accomplish by doing this. I mean I can't punch him, I can't spit on him or do him any harm what so ever because to many people are watching and I don't want to be banished from playing volleyball like this so what's the point? Oikawa leaned down again, breathing a heavy sigh, way to close to my ear by the way.

"Tobio-chan…" His voice was sickening sweet "You're like an open book you know. I can tell that you want to punch me so what is holding you back? The people around us?"

I looked up at him, I just couldn't take it anymore, confusion was clearly written all over my face, what was that piece of trash up to?

"Just do it already! So your teammates are even more disappointed in you… this would destroy your future and you know it and I, I am the innocent puppy who got punched in the face"

He is trying to raise my anger on purpose? So I punch him?

"Why you!" I am sure of it now. This person in front of me is definitely the devil. My hands were sweaty and the pain in my right leg was nearly completely gone because I was so focused on his wide grin, slowly spreading across his face as he leaned back obviously awaiting the punch I so deeply wanted to throw at him. I slowly raised my hand and took a hold on oikawa's uniform. It was as sweaty as my hands are right now, gross.

But that was it, that was all that happened, my hand just kinda rested there, ready to pull oikawa down and beat his stupid face into a pulp but I just couldn't do it.

"Can't even do this?"

_Stop_.

"Can't do anything huh? What a disappointing genius-king''

That's it. I can't take anymore of this, this is hell. I slid down his body until I'm on the ground. And again the same stupid question floats trough my head but this time I said it out loud.

"why?"

A long pause and an awkward shift later oikawa kneed down in front of me. I never wanted to cry over this bastard but now look at me. I'm exactly doing what I don't want to do. I tightened the grip around my knees and pressed my face deeper into them. Nobody should ever see my crying face, it just doesn't fit to the rest of my personality.

I'm not supposed to cry in public, that's what my mum always told me anyways so I'm not going to disappoint her too today.

I felt a warm hand pressed to my shoulder, I really wanted to look up but I couldn't, not in the state I am currently in.

"Stupid! this isn't going the way I planned this! You where supposed to punch me not break down crying!"

"I'M NOT CRYING!" I shouted in his face. Wow that felt good but I made a mistake, I looked up and now everybody was able to see me crying, oikawa included.

"Shit" I murmured. Why am I so dumb and forget stuff like this so easily. I tried to wipe away my tears with my palms but another hand was quicker. Oikawa was already there, holding my head with his left hand and drying my tears with the sleeve of his jacked.

"Like I said before you where supposed to punch me not break down crying, now look at yourself you're a mess and I look like the bad guy"

I couldn't stop the flow of the salty tears, it's hard to explain why though, am I crying over the game I, no, we lost? Am I crying that I had to lose to the person in front of me, that now is wiping my tears? Or am I just crying over the fact that people saw how I cry? I don't now anymore.

"Stop crying and thinking so much and blow your nose already you're leaking!"

Before I knew it oikawa had the sleeve of his jacked in front of my face again and was now holding my nose. Why does he use the sleeve of his jacked? And even more important why is HE helping me?

"You're never gonna listen huh? I said stop crying and thinking and blow your nose already! Am I your mother or what?"

I did as he asked me too, obeying his orders without asking or thinking anymore questions. Even though, being nice an all, I still hoped he would get some of my snot on his fingers and-

"EWW it's on my hand, get it off! You're gross tobio-chan!"

_Nice_! He wiped his filthy fingers on my sides, karma is a bitch huh? I moved away from his grip and probably made strange noises while doing so.

"You're nasty oikawa-san"

My voice wasn't ready to speak and I regretted talking the moment my voice cracked. And again, the same question keeps floating trough my head but this time I demanded an answer.

"why?"

"What did you say?"

"Why are you doing this? First you try to make me punch you and just generally be an arrogant bastard and then, when you finally get a reaction you want to stop me from crying and blow my nose and just … mother me around. What's up with you? I don't get it!"

I really wanted to know what was going on in my former sensei's brain by now. I just don't get him! Why is he so mean to me? What did I ever do to him? Because this isn't a new situation for me. I know that Oikawa has some kind of deep hatred for me but I never really knew why? Back when he was still my teacher I just wanted him to teach me how to do a pin-pointed serve but just me asking that was enough to make him flip his shit and nearly punch me. I soon had to give up on that stupid dream I had. Even now I still find it kind off sad that he never teached me his serve.

"You're a real brat you know that?"

Of course he wouldn't answer. What did I expect? I looked on my feet feeling the embarrassment heating up my face. I, for the second time this day, tried to hide my face again with my palms. This time it succeeded because no other hand was in my way.

My face was still felt wet, considering I was still crying this was as logical conclusion, sometimes I surprise myself with my own stupidity.

"You really don't know? I thought you were just trying to mock me! And you're supposed to be a smart one? To me, you just seem really stupid!"

"I already know that…."

"What?"

Shit was this out loud? I meant to say that for only me. Well this just proves my point even more doesn't it? I am really fucking stupid.

"Doesn't matter"

"Well given the information that you really didn't figure out why I despised you makes me wonder if you try to play dumb so I have to say it out loud and make myself look like a fool or if you're really just a naïve dumb kid"

I looked at him tilting my head slightly to the left, I probably looked like a dork but I didn't really care anymore. I mean I broke down, cried, let myself be treated like a kid and flushed pure red, I think I now can handle looking dumb in front of everyone pretty well, I would even go so far and call myself an expert by now!

"I was jealous"

It was quiet and I was unsure, did he really say that? Or did I just imagine that? I looked up at him but he didn't look back, he kind of turned his head away looking at the floor just like I did all this time, I had to know for sure, I had to make sure I didn't just imagine that!

"What was that?"

"I said I was jealous of you, envied you, all the thinks you could pull of just like that, where I put hard training into you just…did it, it was not fair that a brat could just take all that because he is a genius! And then…you had the guts to come to me and ask for help? I was furious at that point. Were you trying to rub it in my face that you were better then me? Was it fun mocking me?"

Oikawa was ranting by now, obviously furious by bringing up the past, his face was beginning to become red with anger and I think I even saw his eyes glimmer with tears that were just threatening to spill over but oikawa was, of course, way more collected than I was just a few moments ago and could just easily blink them back.

I had to bend back because oikawa was getting closer to me as he spoke. I was a bit scared that he might now be the person to snap and just punch me right then an there. Now I was practically lying on the floor, oikawa's head just centimetres away from mine. I was in an uncomfortable position with heated arguments flying at my face.

"But then why did you dry my tears and not just pour more salt into my wounds, this was the perfect opportunity to just break me completely!" I cried back, I couldn't take anymore of his ranting I had to stop it before it got out of hand. Even though I don't really like this guy and he tried to do this to me just a few minutes ago, I don't want him to punch me, I don't want him to not be able to play volleyball in a tournament like this ever again. And of course, I want an answer, I want to understand this!

"I…I don't know, I guess when my plan failed and you just kinda broke down and cried-"

"I didn't cry"

This was a failed attempt but whatever, I mean I can admit that I cried but when other people say that out loud it just sounds wrong and when oikawa says that out loud it just sounds like the wrongest of them all.

"Yeah, yeah whatever brat, what I wanted to say was when I saw you like this, tears rolling down your cheeks and all, I didn't see that annoying brat that tried to outsmart me but a tiny kid that was just kinda broken and I couldn't take the thought of me being responsible for that, I don't know what I'm saying anymore, I don't even know why I'm telling you all this maybe it's the way you tilt your head like a puppy or the way you get flustered just because you were asking a simple question, those weren't the things I hated about you, those were things a naïve, innocent kid would do"

Wow this was so cheesy! Has he watched titanic before he played this game? Well besides this being extremely cheeky and sickening sweet this was much to take in, I knew he was ranting again and just saying weird stuff out of context but I still don't know how to respond to that. I think Oikawa is also a bit surprised by the words he just said because he's fumbling with his fingers and biting his lip and just about does anything but look at me. And he's telling me I am the kid here? I mean just look at him! Well maybe were both the children here, all grumpy and trying to outsmart each other. I can't help it but rub my temple at that conclusion.

"What the fuck are we even doing here?"

"Whoa watch your language there, but anyways it felt kinda good saying all this stuff"

He still couldn't look me in the eyes but I don't seem to care right now because I had to agree it did feel good to just let my emotions lose for once.

I closed my eyes enjoying the moment for a bit, but then I heard movements and noises in front of me.

Was oikawa going to leave now? I mean yes, this would make sense he said things that bothered him for a long time, things that I didn't understand but now can try to do. But still, he could have stayed a little longer and not, you know, ruin the mood like that. When I opened my eyes I couldn't see a thing.

"What the …"

When I bought my hands to my face I felt strange fabric and when I breathed through my nose I smelled a strong smell of sweat. I gripped the fabric with one hand ripped it off my face. In my hand I held a white light blue/green jacked. Confused I looked up and saw a smirking oikawa looking down on me. I could clearly tell that he knew I was confused because his smirk grew even wider. What a fucking creep.

"You think I take this dirty jacked home? Where you snorted into? Well I got news for you. You're wrong! Better clean it good because I don't want those snort stains of yours clinging to my jacked!"

Going back to being mean to each other again huh? Is that's how it is?

"Oh I make sure that this jacked smells just fine!" I said as I put the jacked on and shifted my arm so I could rub my armpit sweat into the soft fabric. Seeing oikawa gab for air at that and just making a horrified expression was priceless.

"Tobio-chan that's gross and childish you know?"

I was pleased with myself and finally tried to stand up. Well that's the problem I TRIED to stand up but somehow I couldn't. Every time I put some weight on my right leg it started hurting like crazy. Oh no this day couldn't get anymore embarrassing.

I struggled for another minute, oikawa was obviously amused by this because he tried to hold in his laughter and his face was as red as a fucking tomato.

"Still as sadistic as ever"

"Excuse me?"

He faked a crack in his voice and made his eyes tear up. Oh come one grow up!

"Why do you hurt me like that tobio-chan?" he held out a hand for me to grab. Wait what am I seeing this right oikawa is actually helping me up? I hesitated, could I really trust him? Would he just pull away his hand and laugh at my pain again?

My train of thoughts was interrupted by oikawa leaning down a bit and taking a hold of my hand. He pulled me up… just like that… with no bad reasons behind it. And I thought he planned something evil again. Did I really think so low of him?

"Ehm….could you like, please let go now? People where starring before but now it's reacing a new lever of intenseness and it'sgetting kinda awkward."

I looked at him. What was he saying? I'm not really paying attention am I? I should let go but what should I let go off? So I asked him.

"What should I let go off?"

I wanted to scratch my head but I couldn't. I looked down to see what the problem is and now understood what he meant, I should let go of his hand! I stumbled backwards wiping my hands on my shorts.

"I'm so sorry"

I bowed lightly and when I looked back up I couldn't stand those piercing brown eyes, they where inspecting me, taking in every movement I made. A cold shiver went down my spine. When he wanted too, oikawa could be really scary.

Well that's it for today. I won't embarrass me any further in front of these viewers, my teammates and most importantly Oikawa.

I tried to walk past him but he stopped me with one hand on my chest. I looked up to him, expecting a sassy way to end this conversation completely, like always but he didn't. His mouth was opening and closing trying to figure out how to use it properly. I crocked an eyebrow at him. What was he trying to do?

"Why didn't you just punch me? That would've been way easier because now things aren't going the way I planed which means I have to change things up a bit."

"I don't know why I didn't punch you, maybe I didn't want to make my hands dirty."

Ha finally I get the last laugh. I put my hands into (not really) my pockets and ducked under the net. Hinata jumped up and down in front of me, wanting to know every detail of what we talked about. Before I could tell him to fuck off, Daichi balled a fist and knocked the air out of me. It didn't really hurt but it still surprised me none the less.

"This is for playing this game your own way! You need to trust us more! And this-" another punch directed at the back of my head "-is for abandoning us after we lost, I mean if we lose, which is by the way is never gonna happen ever again, we'll cry and mourn together! Understood!" We were now all standing in a circle, everybody eyeing me but it wasn't rude or something like that it was, nice, just nice. I nodded and shoved my hands back into (still not really) my pockets when I felt something weird. Was this a piece of paper? I took it out an held it right in front of my face because everyone apparently didn't have anything better to do then stick their noses in other peoples business. I read the paper out loud in my mind. '_K' maybe I will teach you the pin-pointed serve. Let's meet at the old gym on Saturday 3 o'clock. That's the only time were it's empty and we can be alone ;) Bring my clean and perfect smelling jacked with you brat! –love tooru'_

I was hot, burning and probably as red as a person could ever be! I turned around and saw oikawa looking at me, when he saw my blushing face he smirked victoriously.

Always having the last laught huh? Why exactly didn't I punch him in the face?


End file.
